HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM OR MY SPOUSE IS AN INTIMACY ANOREXIC?
By Caralee Frederic, LCSW | Certified Gottman Therapist | Couples Workshop Presenter
The following questions are used to assess whether or not a person is an intimacy anorexic.
1. Would your spouse say that you stay so busy you have little time for him/her?
2. Would your spouse say that when there are problems, you blame him/her first before taking responsibility for your own part?
3. Would your spouse say that you withhold love from in the way he/she asked to be loved?
4. Would your spouse say that you withhold expressing praise or appreciation of him/her?
5. Would your spouse say that you withhold having sex with him/her or sabotage sexual encounters, or disconnect emotionally during sex?
6. Would your spouse say that you withhold sharing spiritual connectedness from him/her?
7. Would your spouse say that you are unwilling or unable to share feelings with him/her?
8. Would your spouse say that you have ongoing or ungrounded criticism of him/her which leads to distance in the relationship?
9. Would your spouse say that you use anger or silence to push away, punish or control him/her?
10. Would your spouse say that you control or shame him/her about money issues?
11. Would your spouse say that s/he feels more like a roommate than a lover?
Each “yes” answer is 1 point.
1-4 points: You may not be an intimacy anorexic, but if any of those points are bothering your spouse, then you should consider exploring them with a licensed therapist.
5+ points: You are most likely an intimacy anorexic.
Was this Blog helpful? If so, I highly recommend my couples weekend workshop: The Art and Science of Love, created by the Gottman Institute. Information and exercises are presented in an organized, cohesive manner. It’s a wonderful investment in your love life, and will truly strengthen your relationship!
Common Questions About Sexual Addiction
How Do I know If I’m a Sex Addict?
What is it Like to Live with a Sex Addict from a Partner’s Perspective?
Why Do People Become Addicted to Sex?
What is Sex Addiction?
What is Intimacy Anorexia?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Caralee Frederic, LCSW, has practiced as a private couples and individual therapist in Colorado, specializing in marriage and family counseling, for almost 20 years. Founder of Principle Skills Relationship Center, Caralee is also a Certified Gottman Therapist, presenter of ‘The Art and Science of Love‘ couples workshop, and a Certified Sexual Addiction Recovery Therapist.