(Excerpt from “How To Keep Love Going Strong” by John M. and Julie Gottman, yesmagazine.org, Jan. 3, 2011)
Enhance your love map: Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. They have a richly detailed love map.
Nurture fondness and admiration: Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a long-lasting romance.
Turn toward each other: When your partner “bids” for your attention, affection, humor, or support, do you turn toward or away? Turning tward is the basis of emotional connection, romance, passion, and a good sex life.
Let your partner influence you: The happiest, most stable marriages are those in which the husband treats his wife with respect and does not resist power sharing… . It’s just as important for wives to treat their husbands with honor and respect.
Solve your solvable problems: Start with good manners when tackling your solvable problems.
Overcome gridlock: Many perpetual conflicts that are gridlocked have an existential base of unexpressed dreams behind each person’s stubborn position.
Create shared meaning: Marriage can have an intentional sense of shared purpose, meaning, family values, and cultural legacy that forms a shared inner life.
Learn more about these 7 ways to grow your love through the Art and Science of Love, a couples weekend workshop created by the Gottman Institute.
Caralee Frederic, LCSW, has practiced as a private couples and individual therapist in Colorado, specializing in marriage and family counseling, for about 20 years. She is a Certified Gottman Therapist, and also focuses on sexual addiction recovery, trauma and Couples On The Brink Counseling.
Principle Skills Relationship Center is one of the few therapy practices in Colorado that specializes in treating couples with The Gottman Method. The Center integrates the Method in treating betrayal, trauma, and sexual compulsions and addictions.